I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize