So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
