so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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