he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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