i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
