I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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