just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Im part way to drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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