dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
