just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on