i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His hands were made for my vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
