did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
