Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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