The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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