Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
