The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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