Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
