One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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