Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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