i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Still dying that you shit outside
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
