I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
