let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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