we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
