My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
