I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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