$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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