This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My bed smells like the plague
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
