i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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