that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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