Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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