i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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