hotel room ftw
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
