You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
