Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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