The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
