i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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