Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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