i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
