did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
