Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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