I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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