dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
