Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
