Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
