i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
