As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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