His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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