there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
