i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
