i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
