just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
