never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
