a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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