Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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