You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
