i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
