Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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