i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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