it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
