i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
