how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's rum buckets o'clock
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
