I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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