hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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